You’re walking with your head down on the way to class and when you look up to open the door, a tall handsome man stands there holding the door open for you. You resist the urge to let your mouth drop as you think to yourself, “Oh my God, he’s so hot.” You see each other in passing all the time, have small conversations, but don’t know each other very well. Then you see him at a party, and there’s clearly an attraction there. You talk; dance, kiss, then one thing leads to another, and you end up hooking up. Then, you exchange phone numbers, hang out, get to know each other, and the rest is history.
Dating is becoming scarce and many young people are hooking up with their future partners before they take the time to talk and get to know the person. What happened to talking, spending time together, and building a genuine bond before having sex?
Chazz Paterson, a senior at Saint Peter’s University feels our generation is skipping straight to sex.
“I think 90 percent of people (in our age group) have had sex before they were dating unless they started dating in 4th grade,” Paterson said. “In my four years in college, people just are out here having sex with people they don’t date and it’s socially accepted.”
According to "Sexual Hookup Culture: A Review," in Review of General Psychology, a study found a combined 81% of undergraduate respondents were involved in some kind of hookup behavior and 34% engaged in sexual intercourse in the context of a hookup.
“We usually start off as friends first and then you know, stuff gets more a little more friendly,” Patterson said. “Friendlier than it’s supposed to.”
Dr. Surrey, a Professor and Chair of Sociology, Urban Studies, and Anthropology at Saint Peter’s University says when he was young, hooking up existed, but there was an expectation of dating while doing so.
“Back in the day, there might have been as much physical activity but there was the pretense with sex as a part of dating and expectations of monogamy,” said Surrey. “Today there is much ‘hooking up’ without expectation of dating or even continuity. Sex was also much more of a private issue.”
However, it could be having an effect on the strength and authenticity of our long term relationships.
“People don’t know whether it’s real or not. Whether it’s real love or like or whatever you want to call it,” Patterson said. “People just are infatuated or just physically attracted to the person a lot of the times, and then you really start to know the person, which you should try to do first. But after you have sex with them and hang around them and get to know them, you realize that’s not what you really want.”
Many young people may be afraid of having an emotional connection, so having casual sex without labels could be a defense from heartbreak.
“I do think it is the easier route and the less complicated. And, this is me being old again, it deprives too many of real developing, meaningful relationships,” Surrey said. “I also think it can be placed in the broader context of the internet and social media. I worry that hooking up along with BFF's, google maps, tweeting, using too many of the online sources and texting is depriving a generation of obtaining depth or true knowledge in so many areas.”
There are many college students that do not engage in the hooking up culture and many have dated before they’ve had sex. Her Campus, an online forum for college women around the world, conducted a survey in 2011-2012 on their sexual status. They found in the 2500 women that were surveyed, that 43% of the women who responded were still virgins. However, sex before dating has shown to be more common in our generation and is showing to have an effect in our relationships and our attitudes towards sex.